Take me back to Manhattan......

Spring Break just ended and I am looking at all the FaceBook statuses and pictures of all my friends who just got back from a week in New York.

*Sigh*

I miss New York City more than anything else from my "old" life. Before I decided to serve a full time mission for my church, I was literally living my dream. I was living in New York auditioning for shows and actually making them! :) However I turned them all down to serve a mission, convinced that the blessings I would receive from serving a mission would be more job opportunities than I could count when I got home. Unfortunately that wasn't the case.

I wish I understood why it wasn't in my plan to become a Broadway Star, especially since it seemed sooo much in my reach. I sincerely thought that because I made the "right" choice in serving a mission, I was guaranteed a spot in the performing world. Most of the time I have come to grips with the fact that there are other things God wants me to do with my life. But when I see my friends doing the things I so desperately want to do, it really breaks my heart and sometimes I wonder why that's fair. I know that God has a plan for me and He only has my best interest and happiness in mind, but it's sooooo hard giving something, that I love so much, up.

And it's not like I'm dying tomorrow (as far as I know), so I understand that there is still so much of my life to live, but I just can't seem to shake this dream. When I hear of professional auditions, my heart aches. I wish I could just move on and be happy with my current situation, but I can't seem to ever move on from the fact that I could have done it. I just know it!

Aaron keeps telling me that we'll make a trip to New York and I know that it will be bittersweet. I will feel so much at home and I will so happy to share all of the things that I love about New York with Aaron. However, I'm sure it'll give me the same feelings as I feel now looking at the pictures of my friends. Heartbroken that I'm not there doing what I always felt I was meant to be doing.